《little dorrit-信丽(英文版)》

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little dorrit-信丽(英文版)- 第191部分


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'I can hardly think; Fanny…' Fanny stopped her。

'Now; don't argue with me about it; Amy;' said she; 'because I know
better。' Feeling that she had been sharp again; she dabbed her sister's
forehead again; and blew upon it again。 'To resume once more; my dear。
It then bees a question with me (I am proud and spirited; Amy; as you
very well know: too much so; I dare say) whether I shall make up my mind
to take it upon myself to carry the family through。' 'How?' asked her
sister; anxiously。

'I will not;' said Fanny; without ansit to
be mother…in…lawed by Mrs General; and I will not submit to be; in any
respect whatever; either patronised or tormented by Mrs Merdle。'

Little Dorrit laid her hand upon the hand that held the bottle of sweet
water; with a still more anxious look。 Fanny; quite punishing her own
forehead with the vehement dabs she now began to give it; fitfully went
on。

'That he has somehow or other; and how is of no consequence; attained a
very good position; no one can deny。 That it is a very good connection;
no one can deny。 And as to the question of clever or not clever; I doubt
very much whether a clever husband would be suitable to me。 I cannot
submit。 I should not be able to defer to him enough。'

'O; my dear Fanny!' expostulated Little Dorrit; upon whom a kind of
terror had been stealing as she perceived what her sister meant。 'If you
loved any one; all this feeling would change。 If you loved any one; you
would no more be yourself; but you would quite lose and forget yourself
in your devotion to him。 If you loved him; Fanny……' Fanny had stopped
the dabbing hand; and was looking at her fixedly。

'O; indeed!' cried Fanny。 'Really? Bless me; how much some people know
of some subjects! They say every one has a subject; and I certainly
seem to have hit upon yours; Amy。 There; you little thing; I was only in
fun;' dabbing her sister's forehead; 'but don't you be a silly puss;
and don't you think flightily and eloquently about degenerate
impossibilities。 There! Now; I'll go back to myself。'

'Dear Fanny; let me say first; that I would far rather we worked for
a scanty living again than I would see you rich and married to Mr
Sparkler。'

'Let you say; my dear?' retorted Fanny。 'Why; of course; I will let you
say anything。 There is no constraint upon you; I hope。 We are together
to talk it over。 And as to marrying Mr Sparkler; I have not the
slightest intention of doing so to…night; my dear; or to…morrow morning
either。'

'But at some time?'

'At no time; for anything I know at present;' answered Fanny; with
indifference。 Then; suddenly changing her indifference into a burning
restlessness; she added; 'You talk about the clever men; you little
thing! It's all very fine and easy to talk about the clever men; but
where are they? I don't see them anywhere near me!'

'My dear Fanny; so short a time……'

'Short time or long time;' interrupted Fanny。 'I am impatient of our
situation。 I don't like our situation; and very little would induce
me to change it。 Other girls; differently reared and differently
circumstanced altogether; might wonder at what I say or may do。 Let
them。 They are driven by their lives and characters; I am driven by
mine。'

'Fanny; my dear Fanny; you knoake you the
wife of one very superior to Mr Sparkler。'

'Amy; my dear Amy;' retorted Fanny; parodying her words; 'I know that I
wish to have a more defined and distinct position; in which I can assert
myself with greater effect against that insolent woman。'

'Would you therefore……forgive my asking; Fanny……therefore marry her
son?'

'Why; perhaps;' said Fanny; with a triumphant smile。 'There may be many
less promising ways of arriving at an end than that; MY dear。 That piece
of insolence may think; now; that it would be a great success to get her
son off upon me; and shelve me。 But; perhaps; she little thinks how I
would retort upon her if I married her son。

I would oppose her in everything; and pete with her。 I would make it
the business of my life。'

Fanny set down the bottle when she came to this; and walked about the
room; always stopping and standing still while she spoke。

'One thing I could certainly do; my child: I could make her older。 And I
would!'

This was followed by another walk。

'I would talk of her as an old woman。 I would pretend to know……if I
didn't; but I should from her son……all about her age。 And she should
hear me say; Amy: affectionately; quite dutifully and affectionately:
how well she looked; considering her time of life。 I could make her seem
older at once; by being myself so much younger。 I may not be as handsome
as she is; I am not a fair judge of that question; I suppose; but I know
I am handsome enough to be a thorn in her side。 And I would be!'

'My dear sister; would you condemn yourself to an unhappy life for
this?'

'It wouldn't be an unhappy life; Amy。 It would be the life I am fitted
for。 Whether by disposition; or whether by circumstances; is no matter;
I am better fitted for such a life than for almost any other。'

There was something of a desolate tone in those words; but; with a
short proud laugh she took another walk; and after passing a great
looking…glass came to another stop。

'Figure! Figure; Amy! Well。 The woman has a good figure。 I will give her
her due; and not deny it。 But is it so far beyond all others that it is
altogether unapproachable? Upon my word; I am not so sure of it。 Give
some much younger woman the latitude as to dress that she has; being
married; and we would see about that; my dear!'

Something in the thought that was agreeable and flattering; brought her
back to her seat in a gayer temper。 She took her sister's hands in hers;
and clapped all four hands above her head as she looked in her sister's
face laughing:

'And the dancer; Amy; that she has quite forgotten……the dancer who bore
no sort of resemblance to me; and of whom I never remind her; oh dear
no!……should dance through her life; and dance in her way; to such a tune
as would disturb her insolent placidity a little。 Just a little; my dear
Amy; just a little!'

Meeting an earnest and imploring look in Amy's face; she brought the
four hands down; and laid only one on Amy's lips。

'Now; don't argue with me; child;' she said in a sterner way; 'because
it is of no use。 I understand these subjects much better than you do。 I
have not nearly made up my mind; but it may be。 Now we have talked this
over fortably; and may go to bed。 You best and dearest little mouse;
Good night!' With those words Fanny weighed her Anchor; and……having
taken so much advice……left off being advised for that occasion。

Thenceforward; Amy observed Mr Sparkler's treatment by his enslaver;
with new reasons for attaching importance to all that passed between
them。 There were times when Fanny appeared quite unable to endure his
mental feebleness; and when she became so sharply impatient of it that
she would all but dismiss him for good。 There were other times when she
got on much better with him; when he amused her; and when her sense of
superiority seemed to counterbalance that opposite side of the scale。 If
Mr Sparkler had been oth
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