little dorrit-信丽(英文版)- 第116部分

'Those　are　the　letters。'

Mr　Flintwinch；　who　had　been　observantly　pausing　all　this　time　with　a　cup
of　tea　in　his　hand；　and　his　mouth　open　ready　to　swallow　the　contents；
began　to　do　so：　always　entirely　filling　his　mouth　before　he　emptied　it
at　a　gulp；　and　always　deliberating　again　before　he　refilled　it。

'D。　N。　F。　was　some　tender；　lovely；　fascinating　fair…creature；　I　make　no
doubt；'　observed　Mr　Blandois；　as　he　snapped　on　the　case　again。　'I　adore
her　memory　on　the　assumption。　Unfortunately　for　my　peace　of　mind；
I　adore　but　too　readily。　It　may　be　a　vice；　it　may　be　a　virtue；　but
adoration　of　female　beauty　and　merit　constitutes　three　parts　of　my
character；　madam。'

Mr　Flintwinch　had　by　this　time　poured　himself　out　another　cup　of　tea；
which　he　was　swallowing　in　gulps　as　before；　with　his　eyes　directed　to
the　invalid。

'You　may　be　heart…free　here；　sir；'　she　returned　to　Mr　Blandois。　'Those
letters　are　not　intended；　I　believe；　for　the　initials　of　any　name。'

'Of　a　motto；　perhaps；'　said　Mr　Blandois；　casually。

'Of　a　sentence。　They　have　always　stood；　I　believe；　for　Do　Not　Forget！'

'And　naturally；'　said　Mr　Blandois；　replacing　the　watch　and　stepping
backward　to　his　former　chair；　'you　do　not　forget。'

Mr　Flintwinch；　finishing　his　tea；　not　only　took　a　longer　gulp　than　he
had　taken　yet；　but　made　his　succeeding　pause　under　new　circumstances：
that　is　to　say；　with　his　head　thrown　back　and　his　cup　held　still　at　his
lips；　while　his　eyes　were　still　directed　at　the　invalid。　She　had　that
force　of　face；　and　that　concentrated　air　of　collecting　her　firmness　or
obstinacy；　which　represented　in　her　case　what　would　have　been　gesture
and　action　in　another；　as　she　replied　with　her　deliberate　strength　of
speech：　'No；　sir；　I　do　not　forget。　To　lead　a　life　as　monotonous　as　mine
has　been　during　many　years；　is　not　the　way　to　forget。　To　lead　a　life　of
self…correction　is　not　the　way　to　forget。　To　be　sensible　of　having　（as
we　all　have；　every　one　of　us；　all　the　children　of　Adam！）　offences
to　expiate　and　peace　to　make；　does　not　justify　the　desire　to　forget。
Therefore　I　have　long　dismissed　it；　and　I　neither　forget　nor　wish　to
forget。'

Mr　Flintwinch；　who　had　latterly　been　shaking　the　sediment　at　the　bottom
of　his　tea…cup；　round　and　round；　here　gulped　it　down；　and　putting　the
cup　in　the　tea…tray；　as　done　with；　turned　his　eyes　upon　Mr　Blandois　as
if　to　ask　him　what　he　thought　of　that？

'All　expressed；　madam；'　said　Mr　Blandois；　with　his　smoothest　bow　and　his
white　hand　on　his　breast；　'by　the　word　〃naturally；〃　which　I　am　proud
to　have　had　sufficient　apprehension　and　appreciation　（but　without
appreciation　I　could　not　be　Blandois）　to　employ。'

'Pardon　me；　sir；'　she　returned；　'if　I　doubt　the　likelihood　of　a
gentleman　of　pleasure；　and　change；　and　politeness；　accustomed　to　court
and　to　be　courted……'

'Oh　madam！　By　Heaven！'

'……If　I　doubt　the　likelihood　of　such　a　character　quite　prehending
what　belongs　to　mine　in　my　circumstances。　Not　to　obtrude　doctrine　upon
you；'　she　looked　at　the　rigid　pile　of　hard　pale　books　before　her；　'（for
you　go　your　own　way；　and　the　consequences　are　on　your　own　head）；　I　will
say　this　much：　that　I　shape　my　course　by　pilots；　strictly　by　proved　and
tried　pilots；　under　whom　I　cannot　be　shipwrecked……can　not　be……and　that
if　I　were　unmindful　of　the　admonition　conveyed　in　those　three　letters；　I
should　not　be　half　as　chastened　as　I　am。'

It　was　curious　how　she　seized　the　occasion　to　argue　with　some　invisible
opponent。　Perhaps　with　her　own　better　sense；　always　turning　upon　herself
and　her　own　deception。

'If　I　forgot　my　ignorances　in　my　life　of　health　and　freedom；　I　might
plain　of　the　life　to　which　I　am　now　condemned。　I　never　do；　I　never
have　done。　If　I　forgot　that　this　scene；　the　Earth；　is　expressly　meant　to
be　a　scene　of　gloom；　and　hardship；　and　dark　trial；　for　the　creatures　who
are　made　out　of　its　dust；　I　might　have　some　tenderness　for　its　vanities。
But　I　have　no　such　tenderness。　If　I　did　not　know　that　we　are；　every　one；
the　subject　（most　justly　the　subject）　of　a　wrath　that　must　be　satisfied；
and　against　which　mere　actions　are　nothing；　I　might　repine　at　the
difference　between　me；　imprisoned　here；　and　the　people　who　pass　that
gateway　yonder。　But　I　take　it　as　a　grace　and　favour　to　be　elected　to
make　the　satisfaction　I　am　making　here；　to　know　what　I　know　for　certain
here；　and　to　work　out　what　I　have　worked　out　here。　My　affliction　might
otherwise　have　had　no　meaning　to　me。　Hence　I　would　forget；　and　I　do
forget；　nothing。　Hence　I　am　contented；　and　say　it　is　better　with　me
than　with　millions。'　As　she　spoke　these　words；　she　put　her　hand　upon　the
watch；　and　restored　it　to　the　precise　spot　on　her　little　table　which
it　always　occupied。　With　her　touch　lingering　upon　it；　she　sat　for　some
moments　afterwards；　looking　at　it　steadily　and　half…defiantly。

Mr　Blandois；　during　this　exposition；　had　been　strictly　attentive；
keeping　his　eyes　fastened　on　the　lady；　and　thoughtfully　stroking　his
moustache　with　his　two　hands。　Mr　Flintwinch　had　been　a　little　fidgety；
and　now　struck　in。

'There；　there；　there！'　said　he。　'That　is　quite　understood；　Mrs　Clennam；
and　you　have　spoken　piously　and　well。　Mr　Blandois；　I　suspect；　is　not
of　a　pious　cast。'　'On　the　contrary；　sir！'　that　gentleman　protested；
snapping　his　fingers。　'Your　pardon！　It's　a　part　of　my　character。　I　am
sensitive；　ardent；　conscientious；　and　imaginative。　A　sensitive；　ardent；
conscientious；　and　imaginative　man；　Mr　Flintwinch；　must　be　that；　or
nothing！'

There　was　an　inkling　of　suspicion　in　Mr　Flintwinch's　face　that　he　might
be　nothing；　as　he　swaggered　out　of　his　chair　（it　was　characteristic　of
this　man；　as　it　is　of　all　men　similarly　marked；　that　whatever　he　did；
he　overdid；　though　it　were　sometimes　by　only　a　hairsbreadth）；　and
approached　to　take　his　leave　of　Mrs　Clennam。

'With　what　will　appear　to　you　the　egotism　of　a　sick　old　woman；　sir；'　she
then　said；　'though　really　through　your　accidental　allusion；　I　have
been　led　away　into　the　subject　of　myself　and　my　infirmities。　Being　so
considerate　as　to　visit　me；　I　hope　you　will　be　likewise　so　considerate
as　to　overlook　that。　Don't　pliment　me；　if　you　please。'　For　he　was
evidently　going　to　do　it。　'Mr　Flintwinch　will　be　happy　to　render　you　any
service；　and　I　hope　your　stay　in　this　city　may　prove　agreeable。'

Mr　Blandois　thanked　her；　and　kissed　his　hand　several　times。　'This　is　an
old　room；'　he　remarked；　with　a　sudden　sprightliness　of　manner；　looking
round　when　he　got　near　the　door；　'I　have　been　so　interested　that　I　have
not　observed　it。　But　it's　a　genuine　old　room。'

'It　is　a　genuine　old　house；'　said　Mrs　Clennam；　with　her　frozen　smile。　'A
place　of　no　pretensions；　but　a　piece　of　antiquity。'

'Faith！'　cried　the　visitor。　'If　Mr　Flintwinch　would　do　me　the　favour　to
take　me　through　the　rooms　on　my　way　out；　he　could　hardly　oblige　me　more。
An　old　house　is　a　weakness　with　me。　I　have　many　weaknesses；　but　none
greater。　I　love　and　study　the　picturesque　in　all　its　varieties。　I　have
been　called　picturesque　myself。　It　is　no　merit　to　be　picturesque……I
have　greater　merits；　perhaps……but　I　may　be；　by　an　accident。　Sympathy；
sympathy！'

'I　tell　you　beforehand；　Mr　Blandois；　that　you'll