f you do catch it； hang on for dear life becau se falling is not as painful as landing。 see you soon famous and almost famous； wayfarers on this unbright； nonlinear planet！
第1卷 第七章
给儿子的信
f。 d。斯坦厄普
f。 d。斯坦厄普（1694—1773），即切斯菲尔德勋爵，英国著名的政治家。他所著的《 致子书》是英国文学名著，本文即节选自此书。
亲爱的孩子：
惹人喜欢要有必备的条件，但又是一门不易学到的艺术，很难将其归纳成规则。你自己 的良心与观察力将比我教授给你的还要多。“己所不欲，勿施于人”是据我所知的取信于人 的最可靠的办法。细心留意别人怎样做让你愉快，那么很可能你做同样的事也会使别人愉悦 。如果别人对你的『性』情、兴趣甚至弱点甚为关心，让你满心喜欢，请相信，你对人施以同样 的热情和关照，也一定会使他们欢心。与人为伴来往时，需因循其中的氛围，勿矫『揉』造作， 发现同伴的幽默之处时，就诚然开怀一乐甚至调笑一番，这是每个人对群体应具备的态度。 在人前不要说瞎话，没有比这更让人讨厌和不悦的事了。如果你恰好有一则很简短而又相当 切题的故事，可用最简洁明了的语言叙述一番。即便如此，也要表示出你并不擅长讲述，而 仅是因为它实在太简短才使你情不自禁地这样做。
在交谈中，首先就要摈弃以自我为中心的癖好，决不试图让别人对自己的私事或者自己 关注的事产生兴趣。尽管这些事情对你来说兴趣盎然，但对于别人却味同嚼蜡，不得要领。 再者，个人的私事也不可能永远隐秘。无论你自以为有什么好处，切忌在人前自爱自怜地展 示，也不要像许多人那样，挖空心思地引导谈话，以伺机自我表现一番。如果你确有长处， 必会被人发现，不必自己点出，何况这样做最好。当与人有是非之争时，绝不要激动地大喊 大叫，即使你自以为正确或者知道自己是对的，也要善加控制，冷静地说出自己的意见，这 是说服人的惟一方法。但如果这样仍不奏效，就试着变个话题，高高兴兴地说：“我俩谁也 说服不了谁，而且也不是非得说服对方不可，我们讨论别的吧。”
要记住，与人交往时要尊重习俗的礼仪。在这一群人中恰如其分的话语，对另一群人而 言却不适宜。于某些人适宜的幽默、妙语、甚至小小的出格行为，换个地方会显得平淡自然 ，或令人苦恼。说一个词儿或者打个手势，在某群人中即暗示着某种『性』格、习惯和隐语，而 一旦离开那种特定的氛围，就会毫无意义。人们常常在这一点上犯过失。他们喜欢把在某群 人、某种环境中的得意言行到处搬到别的地方使用，而此时却风趣尽失，或不合时宜，或张 冠李戴而唐突无聊。是的，他们常用这样笨拙的开场白：“告诉你一件很棒的事！”或者“ 我要告诉你世上最绝妙的……”希望这些话能勾起对方的期待，但结果是彻底的绝望，使得 说这些话的人看起来像个十足的傻子。
如果你获得别人的好感和情感，无论是男人或女人，要特别留意去发现他们可能具备的 长处，以及他们明显的不足之处。人人都会有缺陷，但要公正而善意地对待别人的这个或那 个不足。人们还会有许多过人之处，或者至少具有可以称作优异的地方。尽管人们喜欢听到 对其自知的优点的赞美，但他们最感兴趣的乃是对自己渴望具备然而尚不能自信的长处的赞 许。
letter to his son
f。 d。 stanhope
dear boy；
the art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess； but a very difficult one to acquire。 it can hardly be reduced to rules； and your own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than i can。 “do as you would be done by；〃 is the surest method that i know of pleasing。observe carefully what pleases you in others； and probably the same things in you will please others。 if you are p leased with the complaisance and attention of others to your humors； your tastes ； or your weaknesses； depend upon it； the same complaisance and attention on you r part to theirs will equally please them。 take the tone of the company that you are in； and do not pretend to give it； be serious； gay； or even trifling； as yo u find the present humor of the company； this is an attention due from every ind ividual to the majority。 do not tell stories in company； there is nothing more t edious and disagreeable； if by chance you know a very short story； and exceeding ly applicable to the present subject of conversation； tell it in as few words as possible； and even then； throw out that you do not love to tell stories； but th at the shortness of it tempted you。
of all things banish the egotism out of your conversation； and never think o f entertaining people with your own personal concerns or private affairs； though they are interesting to you； they are tedious and impertinent to everybody else ； besides that； one cannot keep one's own private affairs too secret。 whatever y ou think your own excellencies may be； do not affectedly display them in company ； nor labor； as many people do； to give that turn to the conversation； which may supply you with an opportunity of exhibiting them。 if they are real； they will infallibly be discovered； without your pointing them out yourself； and with much more advantage。 never maintain an argument with heat and clamor； though you thi nk or know yourself to be in the right； but give your opinion modestly and cooll y； which is the only way to convince； and； if that does not do； try to change th e conversation； by saying； with good humor； “we shall hardly convince one anoth er； nor is it necessary that we should； so let us talk of something else。〃
remember that there is a local propriety to be observed in all companies； an d that what is extremely proper in one company may be； and often is； highly impr oper in another。 the jokes； the bonmots； the little adventures； which may do v ery well in one company； will seem flat and tedious； when related in another。 th e particular characters； the habit； the cant of one company may give merit to a word； or a gesture； which would have none at all if divested of those acomidental circumstances。 here people very commonly err； and fond of something that has en tertained them in one company； and in certain circumstances； repeat it with emph asis in another； where it is either insipid； or； it may be； offensive； by being illtimed or misplaced。 nay； they often do it with this silly preamble： “i wil l tell you an excellent thing；〃 or； “i will tell you the best thing in the worl d。〃 this raises expectations； which； when absolutely disappointed； make the rela ror of this excellent thing look； very deservedly； like a fool。
if you would particularly gain the affection and friendship of particular pe ople； whether men or women； endeavor to find out their predominant excellency； i f they have one； and their prevailing weakness； which everybody has； and do just ice to the one； and something more than justice to the other。 men have various o bjects in which they may excel； or at least would be thought to excel； and； thou gh they love to hear justice done to them； where they know that they excel； yet they are most and best flattered upon those points where they wish to excel； and yet are doubtful whether they do or not。
工作和娱乐
温斯顿。丘吉尔
温斯顿。丘吉尔（1874—1965），英国政治家、作家。二战中曾连任两届英国首相，为二 战胜利立下汗马功劳。他在文学上也有很深的造诣，1953年获诺贝尔文学奖。
想要获得真正的幸福与平安，一个人至少应该有两三种业余爱好，而且必须是真正的爱 好。到了晚年才开始说“我对什么什么感兴趣”是毫无益处的，这样的尝试只会增加精神上 的负担。在与自己日常工作无关的某些领域中，一个人可以获得渊博的知识，但他几乎得不 到实在的益处或放松。喜欢干什么就干什么是无益的，你得干一行爱一行。广义而言，人类 可以分成三个阶层：劳累而死的人、忧虑而死的人和烦恼而死的人。对于那些体力劳动者来 说，在经过一周精疲力竭的工作之后，周六下午给他们提供踢足球或打棒球的机会是没有意 义的。对