ABC Amber LIT Converter v2。02
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Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events have been altered or abbreviated to
protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
Open call
In case you haven？t heard； that weirdo indie film director Ken Mogul has realized no one is ever
going to pay much attention to him until he makes a big blockbuster movie； and so he is making
one。 He？s also on a mission to discover the next hot young actress； so he？s having an open call for
his new feature film；Breakfast at Fred？s； at the restaurant of the same name in Barneys this
Saturday。 The movie is a remake ofBreakfast at Tiffany？s with an entirely teenage cast。 Guess
who？s going to be first in line to try out？ And guess who absolutely cannot act？
But guess who can？？！
Hmmm ？ will they choose the girl who definitely knows how to make herself look the part but
has no talent； or the girl with talent who doesn？t look anything like Audrey Hepburn？ Sounds like
one of those vacuous catchphrases fromAmerica？s Next Top Model ； my all…time favorite
love…to…hate…it show。
Prestigious boarding school to expand art curriculum
Aren？t I just full of all the latest news？ Anyhoo； in caseanyone？s interested； Waverly Prep； a
prestigious boarding school in the upper Hudson Valley； is looking for budding young Picassos
and Monets。 They？re expecting a rush of artsy new applicants this fall； but we know of one
particular still…schoolless soon…to…be…sophomore who simply can？t wait that long。 （You don？t
really want to go to public school； do you；J ？）
Celebrity body doubles
Britney？s got one。 Leonardo？s got one。 And even some of the regulars on New York？s society
circuit have them。 Apparently fashion designer Oscar de la Renta is so much in demand at parties
all over the world that he sends his clones to the parties he doesn？t care to attend； and to his
Madison Avenue boutique to keep the staff on their toes。 His body doubles are all relatives of his
from the Dominican Republic； and some of them even have his name； so it really isn？t a stretch
for them to impersonate their famous cousin。 Now； if I could just get myself a body double to
attend my final exams so I could concentrate on resting up for the parties after graduation！
St。 jude？s lax coach investigating viagra theft
This warning came in the form of an e…mail； and caught me quite off guard：
Dear Gossip Girl；
Please let your readers know stealing is a serious matter。 Whoever took my prescription for
Viagra？and I？m pretty sure it was a senior on my lax team？will not graduate！ Thank you for your
help。
michaels
Any advice on how I should respond？
Sightings
SandB ； both with huge shopping bags； walking out ofBergdorf Goodman and theOscar de la
Renta boutique； respectively。 Guess they got lucky and found the graduation dresses of their
dreams！ An unshaven and more…neurotic…than…usual…lookingD buying a collection ofPablo Neruda
love poems atB&N 。 Has he gone over the edge this time？ Wait； what am I talking about？he
always goes over the edge。V in theCVS in downtownWilliamsburg ； loading up on Jergens
antibacterial shower gel。 All those prehookup and posthookup showers？gotta be prepared。J ； with
her brother； in the bookstore； reading The Best Public Schools in NYC。 Has she given up on
boarding school already？ Hey；J ？see above。 You？d be surprised what can happen in the last few
weeks of school。 Kids going wild； getting kicked out right and left。 You just gotta have faith。 It？s
like that song fromWest Side Story： ？There？s a place for us！ ？？
I？ll stop singing now and pretend to study for my finals。
See you at the open call at Barneys on Saturday morning？whowon？t be there？
You know you love me。
gossip girl
Objects reflected in mirror are closer than they appear
？Is this too brown？？ Jenny Humphrey asked her sometimes…best friend； Elise Wells。 She flicked
a tiny Sephora makeup brush over the ridge of her adorable button nose a few times。 ？I？m trying
to reduce the size of my nose。？
Like there isn？t another part of her body that actuallyneeds reducing？
？What nose？？ Elise demanded。 ？You barely even have a nose。？ Elise had a small nose too； but it
was pugged； which was almost worse than having a big honker； because she was tall and was
forever concerned that people were staring up at her nose hairs and boogers。
Nose hairs and boogers； oh my！
It was last…period study hall； and Jenny had taken over the kindergarten bathroom； which was
always free in the afternoons because the kindergartners went home at two。 The stalls were
narrower than those in the rest of the bathrooms in the school； and the toilets were only eighteen
inches off the ground； with bright pink Hello Kitty toilet seats。 Even the sinks were lower； with
pink plastic Hello Kitty step stools in front of them and clear pink Hello Kitty soap dispensers。 All
the Hello Kitty paraphernalia had been donated by a parent from Tokyo who happened toown
Hello Kitty。
？Have you ever heard of a school called Waverly Prep？？ Jenny asked； blotting wine…colored
blush onto her lips and then smearing them with Vaseline？another tip she？d learned on TV from
some model/actress named Lauren Hutton who was the same age as her dad but was still pretty
enough to model for J。Crew。
Elise shook her head。 ？Is it another boarding school？？ She never said it out loud； but Elise hated
the idea of Jenny going off to boarding school and leaving her friendless and alone in Constance？s
tenth grade。 Who else would order takeout egg rolls with her and have them delivered right to the
blue doors？ Who else would tell her？gently？that her shirt would look betterun tucked？
？Well； I just heard they have this great new art program。 Like； they have a real gallery that？s
open to the public and the students curate the shows and everything。 It sounds really cool。 Of
course； applications were due in； like； December； but I was thinking maybe I could send them
some of my artwork？？ Jenny zipped up her yellow…and…pink striped LeSportsac makeup bag；
watching herself in one of the diminutive； square over…the…sink mirrors as she talked。 Lauren
Hutton was right。 Her nose did look smaller。 If only her dark hair weren？t so darned curly and
unmanageable。 ？This is my last chance。 If I don？t get in there； I？m going to have to go to public
school。？
Heaven forbid！
？I just wish I hadn？t burned all those paintings？？ she added wistfully and rubbed her lips together
one last time。
Back when she？d been in love with Nate； Jenny had painted his portrait in the style of each of her
favorite painters： Matisse； Picasso； Chagall； Monet； Warhol； Pollock。 The paintings had been vivid
and full of emotion； as if she？d been trying to invoke love itself right there on the canvas。 But
when Nate had broken her heart； she？d set fire to them in a metal trash can out on the sidewalk in
front of her building； burning every last one。
Elise bared her teeth at the mirror； trying to dig out the remains of the orange she？d eaten for
lunch with her jagged； unpaint