The Rainbow-虹(英文版)- 第128部分

She　soon　made　a　college　friend；　a　girl　who　had　lived　in
Florence；　a　girl　who　wore　a　wonderful　purple　or　figured　scarf
draped　over　a　plain；　dark　dress。　She　was　Dorothy　Russell；
daughter　of　a　south…country　advocate。　Dorothy　lived　with　a
maiden　aunt　in　Nottingham；　and　spent　her　spare　moments　slaving
for　the　Women's　Social　and　Political　Union。　She　was　quiet　and
intense；　with　an　ivory　face　and　dark　hair　looped　plain　over　her
ears。　Ursula　was　very　fond　of　her；　but　afraid　of　her。　She　seemed
so　old　and　so　relentless　towards　herself。　Yet　she　was　only
twenty…two。　Ursula　always　felt　her　to　be　a　creature　of　fate；
like　Cassandra。

The　two　girls　had　a　close；　stern　friendship。　Dorothy　worked
at　all　things　with　the　same　passion；　never　sparing　herself。　She
came　closest　to　Ursula　during　the　botany　hours。　For　she　could
not　draw。　Ursula　made　beautiful　and　wonderful　drawings　of　the
sections　under　the　microscope；　and　Dorothy　always　came　to　learn
the　manner　of　the　drawing。

So　the　first　year　went　by；　in　magnificent　seclusion　and
activity　of　learning。　It　was　strenuous　as　a　battle；　her　college
life；　yet　remote　as　peace。

She　came　to　Nottingham　in　the　morning　with　Gudrun。　The　two
sisters　were　distinguished　wherever　they　went；　slim；　strong
girls；　eager　and　extremely　sensitive。　Gudrun　was　the　more
beautiful　of　the　two；　with　her　sleepy；　half…languid　girlishness
that　looked　so　soft；　and　yet　was　balanced　and　inalterable
underneath。　She　wore　soft；　easy　clothing；　and　hats　which　fell　by
themselves　into　a　careless　grace。

Ursula　was　much　more　carefully　dressed；　but　she　was
self…conscious；　always　falling　into　depths　of　admiration　of
somebody　else；　and　modelling　herself　upon　this　other；　and　so
producing　a　hopeless　incongruity。　When　she　dressed　for　practical
purposes　she　always　looked　well。　In　winter；　wearing　a　tweed
coat…and…skirt　and　a　small　hat　of　black　fur　pulled　over　her
eager；　palpitant　face；　she　seemed　to　move　down　the　street　in　a
drifting　motion　of　suspense　and　exceeding　sensitive
receptivity。

At　the　end　of　the　first　year　Ursula　got　through　her
Intermediate　Arts　examination；　and　there　came　a　lull　in　her
eager　activities。　She　slackened　off；　she　relaxed　altogether。
Worn　nervous　and　inflammable　by　the　excitement　of　the
preparation　for　the　examination；　and　by　the　sort　of　exaltation
which　carried　her　through　the　crisis　itself；　she　now　fell　into　a
quivering　passivity；　her　will　all　loosened。

The　family　went　to　Scarborough　for　a　month。　Gudrun　and　the
father　were　busy　at　the　handicraft　holiday　school　there；　Ursula
was　left　a　good　deal　with　the　children。　But　when　she　could；　she
went　off　by　herself。

She　stood　and　looked　out　over　the　shining　sea。　It　was　very
beautiful　to　her。　The　tears　rose　hot　in　her　heart。

Out　of　the　far；　far　space　there　drifted　slowly　in　to　her　a
passionate；　unborn　yearning。　〃There　are　so　many　dawns　that　have
not　yet　risen。〃　It　seemed　as　if；　from　over　the　edge　of　the　sea；
all　the　unrisen　dawns　were　appealing　to　her；　all　her　unborn　soul
was　crying　for　the　unrisen　dawns。

As　she　sat　looking　out　at　the　tender　sea；　with　its　lovely；
swift　glimmer；　the　sob　rose　in　her　breast；　till　she　caught　her
lip　suddenly　under　her　teeth；　and　the　tears　were　forcing
themselves　from　her。　And　in　her　very　sob；　she　laughed。　Why　did
she　cry？　She　did　not　want　to　cry。　It　was　so　beautiful　that　she
laughed。　It　was　so　beautiful　that　she　cried。

She　glanced　apprehensively　round；　hoping　no　one　would　see　her
in　this　state。

Then　came　a　time　when　the　sea　was　rough。　She　watched　the
water　travelling　in　to　the　coast；　she　watched　a　big　wave　running
unnoticed；　to　burst　in　a　shock　of　foam　against　a　rock；
enveloping　all　in　a　great　white　beauty；　to　pour　away　again；
leaving　the　rock　emerged　black　and　teeming。　Oh；　and　if；　when　the
wave　burst　into　whiteness；　it　were　only　set　free！

Sometimes　she　loitered　along　the　harbour；　looking　at　the
sea…browned　sailors；　who；　in　their　close　blue　jerseys；　lounged
on　the　harbour…wall；　and　laughed　at　her　with　impudent；
municative　eyes。

There　was　established　a　little　relation　between　her　and　them。
She　never　would　speak　to　them　or　know　any　more　of　them。　Yet　as
she　walked　by　and　they　leaned　on　the　sea…wall；　there　was
something　between　her　and　them；　something　keen　and　delightful
and　painful。　She　liked　best　the　young　one　whose　fair；　salty　hair
tumbled　over　his　blue　eyes。　He　was　so　new　and　fresh　and　salt　and
not　of　this　world。

From　Scarborough　she　went　to　her　Uncle　Tom's。　Winifred　had　a
small　baby；　born　at　the　end　of　the　summer。　She　had　bee
strange　and　alien　to　Ursula。　There　was　an　unmentionable　reserve
between　the　two　women。　Tom　Brangwen　was　an　attentive　father；　a
very　domestic　husband。　But　there　was　something　spurious　about
his　domesticity；　Ursula　did　not　like　him　any　more。　Something
ugly；　blatant　in　his　nature　had　e　out　now；　making　him　shift
everything　over　to　a　sentimental　basis。　A　materialistic
unbeliever；　he　carried　it　all　off　by　being　full　of　human
feeling；　a　warm；　attentive　host；　a　generous　husband；　a　model
citizen。　And　he　was　clever　enough　to　rouse　admiration
everywhere；　and　to　take　in　his　wife　sufficiently。　She　did　not
love　him。　She　was　glad　to　live　in　a　state　of　placent
self…deception　with　him；　she　worked　according　to　him。

Ursula　was　relieved　to　go　home。　She　had　still　two　peaceful
years　before　her。　Her　future　was　settled　for　two　years。　She
returned　to　college　to　prepare　for　her　final　examination。

But　during　this　year　the　glamour　began　to　depart　from
college。　The　professors　were　not　priests　initiated　into　the　deep
mysteries　of　life　and　knowledge。　After　all；　they　were　only
middle…men　handling　wares　they　had　bee　so　accustomed　to　that
they　were　oblivious　of　them。　What　was　Latin？……So　much　dry
goods　of　knowledge。　What　was　the　Latin　class　altogether　but　a
sort　of　second…hand　curio　shop；　where　one　bought　curios　and
learned　the　market…value　of　curios；　dull　curios　too；　on　the
whole。　She　was　as　bored　by　the　Latin　curiosities　as　she　was　by
Chinese　and　Japanese　curiosities　in　the　antique　shops。
〃Antiques〃……the　very　word　made　her　soul　fall　flat　and
dead。

The　life　went　out　of　her　studies；　why；　she　did　not　know。　But
the　whole　thing　seemed　sham；　spurious；　spurious　Gothic　arches；
spurious　peace；　spurious　Latinity；　spurious　dignity　of　France；
spurious　naivete　of　Chaucer。　It　was　a　second…hand　dealer's　shop；
and　one　bought　an　equipment　for　an　examination。　This　was　only　a
little　side…show　to　the　factories　of　the　town。　Gradually　the
perception　stole　into　her。　This　was　no　religious　retreat；　no
perception　of　pure　learning。　It　was　a　little　apprentice…shop
where　one　oney。　The　college
itself　was　a　little；　slovenly　laboratory　for　the　factory。

A　harsh　and　ugly　disillusion　came　over　her　again；　the　same
darkness　and　bitter　gloom　from　which　she　was　never　safe　now；　the
realization　of　the　permanent　substratum　of　ugliness　under
everything。　As　she　came　to　the　college　in　the　afternoon；　the
lawns　were　frothed　with　daisies；　the　lime　trees　hung　tender　and
sunlit　and　green；　and　oh；　the　deep；　white　froth　of　the　daisies
was　anguish　to　see。

For　inside；　inside　the　college；　she　knew　she　must　enter　the
sham　workshop。　All　the　while；　it　was　a　sham　stor