《The Rainbow-虹(英文版)》

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The Rainbow-虹(英文版)- 第114部分


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important being in her work now。

Constantly haunting her; like a darkness hovering over her
heart and threatening to swoop down over it at every moment; was
the sense that somehow; somehow she was brought down。 Bitterly
she denied unto herself that she was really a schoolteacher。
Leave that to the Violet Harbys。 She herself would stand clear
of the accusation。 It was in vain she denied it。

Within herself some recording hand seemed to point
mechanically to a negation。 She was incapable of fulfilling her
task。 She could never for a moment escape from the fatal weight
of the knowledge。

And so she felt inferior to Violet Harby。 Miss Harby was a
splendid teacher。 She could keep order and inflict knowledge on
a class with remarkable efficiency。 It was no good Ursula's
protesting to herself that she was infinitely; infinitely the
superior of Violet Harby。 She knew that Violet Harby succeeded
where she failed; and this in a task which was almost a test of
her。 She felt something all the time wearing upon her; wearing
her down。 She went about in these first weeks trying to deny it;
to say she was free as ever。 She tried not to feel at a
disadvantage before Miss Harby; tried to keep up the effect of
her own superiority。 But a great weight was on her; which Violet
Harby could bear; and she herself could not。

Though she did not give in; she never succeeded。 Her class
was getting in worse condition; she knew herself less and less
secure in teaching it。 Ought she to withdraw and go home again?
Ought she to say she had e to the wrong place; and so retire?
Her very life was at test。

She went on doggedly; blindly; waiting for a crisis。 Mr。
Harby had now begun to persecute her。 Her dread and hatred of
him grew and loomed larger and larger。 She was afraid he was
going to bully her and destroy her。 He began to persecute her
because she could not keep her class in proper condition;
because her class was the weak link in the chain which made up
the school。

One of the offences was that her class was noisy and
disturbed Mr。 Harby; as he took Standard Seven at the other end
of the room。 She was taking position on a certain morning;
walking in among the scholars。 Some of the boys had dirty ears
and necks; their clothing smelled unpleasantly; but she could
ignore it。 She corrected the writing as she went。

〃When you say 'their fur is brown'; how do you write
'their'?〃 she asked。

There was a little pause; the boys were always jeeringly
backward in answering。 They had begun to jeer at her authority
altogether。

〃Please; miss; t…h…e…i…r〃; spelled a lad; loudly; with a note
of mockery。

At that moment Mr。 Harby was passing。

〃Stand up; Hill!〃 he called; in a big voice。

Everybody started。 Ursula watched the boy。 He was evidently
poor; and rather cunning。 A stiff bit of hair stood straight off
his forehead; the rest fitted close to his meagre head。 He was
pale and colourless。

〃Who told you to call out?〃 thundered Mr。 Harby。

The boy looked up and down; with a guilty air; and a cunning;
cynical reserve。

〃Please; sir; I was answering;〃 he replied; with the same
humble insolence。

〃Go to my desk。〃

The boy set off down the room; the big black jacket hanging
in dejected folds about him; his thin legs; rather knocked at
the knees; going already with the pauper's crawl; his feet in
their big boots scarcely lifted。 Ursula watched him in his
crawling; slinking progress down the room。 He was one of her
boys! When he got to the desk; he looked round; half furtively;
with a sort of cunning grin and a pathetic leer at the big boys
in Standard VII。 Then; pitiable; pale; in his dejected garments;
he lounged under the menace of the headmaster's desk; with one
thin leg crooked at the knee and the foot struck out sideways
his hands in the low…hanging pockets of his man's jacket。

Ursula tried to get her attention back to the class。 The boy
gave her a little horror; and she was at the same time hot with
pity for him。 She felt she wanted to scream。 She was responsible
for the boy's punishment。 Mr。 Harby was looking at her
handwriting on the board。 He turned to the class。

〃Pens down。〃

The children put down their pens and looked up。

〃Fold arms。〃

They pushed back their books and folded arms。

Ursula; stuck among the back forms; could not extricate
herself。

〃What is your position about?〃 asked the
headmaster。 Every hand shot up。 〃The 〃 stuttered
some voice in its eagerness to answer。

〃I wouldn't advise you to call out;〃 said Mr。 Harby。 He would
have a pleasant voice; full and musical; but for the detestable
menace that always tailed in it。 He stood unmoved; his eyes
twinkling under his bushy black eyebrows; watching the class。
There was something fascinating in him; as he stood; and again
she wanted to scream。 She was all jarred; she did not know what
she felt。

〃Well; Alice?〃 he said。

〃The rabbit;〃 piped a girl's voice。

〃A very easy subject for Standard Five。〃

Ursula felt a slight shame of inpetence。 She was exposed
before the class。 And she was tormented by the contradictoriness
of everything。 Mr。 Harby stood so strong; and so male; with his
black brows and clear forehead; the heavy jaw; the big;
overhanging moustache: such a man; with strength and male power;
and a certain blind; native beauty。 She might have liked him as
a man。 And here he stood in some other capacity; bullying over
such a trifle as a boy's speaking out without permission。 Yet he
was not a little; fussy man。 He seemed to have some cruel;
stubborn; evil spirit; he was imprisoned in a task too small and
petty for him; which yet; in a servile acquiescence; he would
fulfil; because he had to earn his living。 He had no finer
control over himself; only this blind; dogged; wholesale will。
He would keep the job going; since he must。 And this job was to
make the children spell the word 〃caution〃 correctly; and put a
capital letter after a full…stop。 So at this he hammered with
his suppressed hatred; always suppressing himself; till he was
beside himself。 Ursula suffered; bitterly as he stood; short and
handsome and powerful; teaching her class。 It seemed such a
miserable thing for him to be doing。 He had a decent; powerful;
rude soul。 What did he care about the position on 〃The
Rabbit〃? Yet his will kept him there before the class; threshing
the trivial subject。 It was habit with him now; to be so little
and vulgar; out of place。 She saw the shamefulness of his
position; felt the fettered wickedness in him which would blaze
out into evil rage in the long run; so that he was like a
persistent; strong creature tethered。 It was really intolerable。
The jarring was torture to her。 She looked over the silent;
attentive class that seemed to have crystallized into order and
rigid; neutral form。 This he had it in his power to do; to
crystallize the children into hard; mute fragments; fixed under
his will: his brute will; which fixed them by sheer force。

She too must learn to subdue them to her will: she must。 For
it was her duty; since the school was such。 He had crystallized
the class into order。 But to see him; a strong; powerful man;
using all his power
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